Life is just a Mirror.....

They say you are actually three people...the person you see yourself as, the person others see you as, and the person you really are.....this is a post I have thought about writing for awhile, but when I would start I just wouldn't finish....so I ask myself why?! I think deep down the reason is because when I look in the mirror, I don't like the person looking back at me. I see an overweight, self conscience, shy girl. I hold back and don't always do everything I want to because I am embarrassed of what I look like.

I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was beautiful, because maybe I wouldn't need a second job haha. I wish just once I could see what they see. No one goes out of their way to compliment you if they don't really mean it, so why is it so hard for us to accept compliments! It's really hard to believe what others say when you have such a negative self image. Don't get me wrong, there are things I love about myself, but one of the hardest parts of this journey is learning to be confident in my own skin. It's not easy. I have put some weight back on, which I know I will get off, but I don't feel comfortable.

What do you hope others see when they look at you?! Strive to be that person! I hope others see me as a driven, passionate, kind, and beautiful person. At least that's the person I strive to be. If I can put a smile on just one persons face everyday, then I say that's a successful day!

Lately, I have been a bundle of stress and an emotional wreck. Life has been crazy lately, especially in my career department, but I am so grateful for all of my family and friends who have been there for me these past few weeks!

I think part of this journey has really been finding the person I really am. I started all of this because I didn't like the person I had become. Lately, I have to remind myself of my goals, but we all need that little reminder right?!

I may not know the person I am yet, or the person you see me as, but I do know that each and every day I strive to be a better person than I was yesterday! I know that I am not going to let my weight, or my self image define who I am. Life is a journey, our experiences along the way, and the decisions we make, define who we are! I know that I am going to keep that in mind, and push harder every day to reach my goals, and become the best person I can be!


XOXO 

Attitude is EVERYTHING......

I know it's been way to long! Why is that.....well the truth is that my heart hasn't been in it. I lost sight of my goals, and I fell on my face. I have been mad at myself for about a month now. I have no one to blame but myself. I have been avoiding the scale because I knew the number would upset me. I know that I have gained weight. Why, well because I didn't give it my all and I have been eating like crap! It's my fault! I gave in. I let my stress eating get the best of me.

The moment we loose focus, the darkness sets in. It's a struggle! I knew this wouldn't be easy. But it's time to get my head back in the game!!!  Monday I took my measurements and jumped on the scale once again. I have only gained about 10 pounds, and to be honest, I thought I gained a lot more. My pants are snug and I hate it.

The past two days I have been giving it my all! I am eating clean, drinking shakeology, and working out. I am happy to say that I have lost about 3 pounds since Monday. This is just the start.....I have regained focus and I am ready to kick some butt.

I have felt like a failure. I have not been the best coach, friend, or inspiration. Why?! I got caught up in focusing on the negatives. I have been going on job interviews and hearing nothing, or rejections....that alone makes me feel like I am not good enough. I have gained weight and lost sight of what I have been working so hard for, I failed myself.

I have come to realize that we choose our own attitudes. We are so quick to blame others for what we are feeling, but the truth of the matter is, we choose to feel that way. Yesterday, I was miserable! It was no ones fault but my own. In fact, many people tried to cheer me up and I just choose to ignore it. I am blessed to have so many people in my life that support me.

This week I made the decision to get my head straight and pick myself up and start again. It's ok to fail. What's most important is to realize when you are losing focus and do whatever you have to do to get back on track and work towards your goals!

I'm back baby and ready to kick these goals in the ass!

XOXO

"A bad attitude is like a flat tire. If you don't change it, you will never go anywhere."

The Bulky Bitch

Soooo.....Where have I been?!?!

I know that I have been MIA lately, and I feel terrible about it! The truth is, I've been in a rut and feeling really crappy about myself! I was on track and doing so well! What the heck happened?!?! Change! I hate change! I know that some things we can't control it and we have to roll with it, but some times that's easier said then done!

I had a falling out with one of my best friends! We are good now and have worked everything out. But when you hear someone say to you, "I don't want to be your friend anyone." It's like a knife stabs you. I cried for a few days, and didn't want to get out of bed. The same day I bought my new car, yes a brand new car all on my own, exciting right?! Well the one person I wanted to come with me to pick up, wouldn't talk to me or see me. So I came home from picking it up and sat on my floor and cried hysterically for a long time. Eventually that same night I saw my best friend and we worked everything out! But I was still upset by a lot of things!

I got dumped! It sucks, even when you know it's coming, still hearing someone say, we should go our separate ways hurts! Waking up to a text at 8am is not the way to start a great weekend. Someone has decided that you are on longer worth their time and energy and let's face it, that just sucks! The one person you would talk to and look forward to hearing from is gone. They are moving on with their life and you aren't a part of that. Oh well, life happens and you move on. But it left me feeling shitty and worthless. At times I feel I will never be good enough for anyone, and we all feel that way a some point or another, and it's not true. We are good enough, and for whatever reason things didn't work out. I am not going to sit around and harp on it. It is what it is.

I've been sick.....3 times in six weeks, with a fever, cough, and sore throat. It sucks! I've been miserable, visiting doctors and on meds. When I tried to run, I couldn't stop coughing and would almost pass out. I just wanted to cry. I forgot what it felt like to be healthy.

I am not making excuses at all....I am owning up to the fact that I have let all of these things get the better of me and bring me down. But I know that I am better than all of these things. I have a clear head and I am ready to tackle my goals head on. It's not going to be easy, I am going to have days where I am down and feel worthless, but I am not! I am worth it!!! I am worth pushing through all the bullshit life throws at me and rise above it. I am have fallen short these past few weeks. But I am back, and I am going to kick butt!!!

XOXO

Our Scrapbooking Experience!

This past week I took a scrapbooking class with my Mom and Grandma. The class was through our local school district's community education program! We arrived at class, and quickly learned we were the only 3 that had signed up! How awesome, it was like our own private class!  We all really enjoyed the class! I have to say I really did learn a lot as well! We were asked to bring just a few supplies and the instructor provided tons of items that we could use. The class lasted 2 hours, and boy did it fly by! The goal was to create a 2 page spread, but we all only completed one page. We learned so much, and had a blast. This is a class all 3 of us really want to take again. It was a great stress reliever! I chose to create my page using pictures for all of the Lupus events we have done, my mom chose to use pictures from our trip to Palm Beach, and my Grandma chose to use pictures from when my mom was a little girl. It was great sitting around and reminiscing about the past. Most importantly I got to spend time with my family. We are planning to have family and friends over to our house so we can all scrap book together. I would definitely recommend trying a class if it's something that interests you. So here's our creations, what do you think?!?! 

The instructor's website is www.kraftingwithfriends.com

XOXO

Better Days are Ahead!

So I have been in a weird place lately, just feeling really down and unhappy for about the last two weeks. There has been a lot of change in my life lately, and I am not a person that likes change. I have had a fever now for about 5 days. I have not stopped sneezing or blowing my nose at all today. I seriously could resemble snuffaluffagus's twin. I have never felt so ugly in my life, and this is not me fishing for complaints, this is me being honest, because I know you all have days like this as well. This past week I felt like the worst friend, daughter, coach, teacher, and the list goes on and on. I have not worked out because I feel like crap. I am dragging at work because I am not sleeping well. I know I have put on weight, but just how much, I don't know, because I won't step on the scale. I feel bad enough, I don't want that to upset me too.


But as I drove home today, all I could think of is telling that voice inside my head that keeps reminding me of everything that is upsetting me, to go F*** herself! Why am I feeling so down?!?! Yes I have been sick twice in the last three weeks, but I am lucky enough to have health insurance that has allows me to get the treatment that I needed! Yes, I hate getting up and going to work....but my jobs have allowed me to buy a brand new car with every option that I wanted. Yes someone dented it 8 hours after I picked it up, but the dealer is fixing it for FREE! My job allows me to do things with the people in my life that are important to me. I can pretty much do whatever I want, when I want. I get to go out with my friends, and treat them to things if I want. Next month I get to spend a week down south with my mom, and take part in a charity event that you all know is near and dear to my heart. These past 3 years I have been able to travel up and down the east coast partaking in all kinds of Lupus Events. I have a job that I honestly love! I have wanted to be a teacher since I was a little girl, and I have achieved my goal! I get to spend every day with out next generation, and I LOVE it! Is it easy? Heck no! But, I wouldn't change it. I was given an opportunity to teach high school this year, and I was terrified. It turned out to be one of the most rewarding experiences of my life! I have amazing friends and family! I have friends who have done nothing but listen to me bitch and cry for the last week. My best friend came and played cards with me last night, even while I was coughing, sneezing, and blowing my nose. I have an amazing fitness family who I feel like I am letting down lately. But they are there for me! They cheer me on for every pound I lose, but I know they would love me even if I stayed the same.


I AM BLESSED! I am so very blessed to have such amazing people in my life. So today, I have decided to tell that voice in my head to take a hike. I am choosing to focus on all of the positives in my life, and even if it's not always smooth sailing, the ride will be worth it. I am saying good bye to this dark cloud that has been hanging over me, and hello to that happy girl I know is inside of me!


Thanks for listening!


XOXO


I AM SO

It's Getting Hot Hot Hot!!!!!

I apologize that it has taken me so long to share my experience of hot yoga with you. I certainly have mixed emotions about it. I honestly don't know if I walked away loving or hating it. My cousin and I decided to try a class on a Friday night at the Silk Mill. When we first walked in, it seemed like everyone knew what they were doing. Everyone was barefoot, and doing a lot of stretching! They were not the friendliest either. So, we just tried to blend in. But that didn't last too long.....it was obvious we were new to the scene. I quickly realized just how inflexible I am!!! It was tough, and my balance was terrible. The class lasted about an hour and a half. There were space heaters going, but it was no where near 98 degrees like I thought it would be. Each pose was very different from the next and we had no idea what the instructor was saying half of the time. She was throwing these terms around like nothing. My cousin and I kept looking at each other like what is going on?!?! When it came time for the breathing exercises, I had all I could do not to laugh. Here everyone is taking it very seriously and I was ready to bust. They were humming, and huffing and puffing. I literally could not look at my cousin for this portion or I would have lost it. But I will say that at the end of class, I felt very relaxed and could have easily fallen asleep. It is definitely a class I would like to try again before I make up my mind about it. It was a very nice facility, and they provided both the mat and yoga block. If you give this a try, let me know your thoughts!

 

XOXO

 

Guess Who's BACK!!!!!!

 Oh my gosh! It's literally been forever!!!! But.....I'm back!!!! I feel like I have so many things to share with you! Well first I want to recap February's goals! I really tried my best running 5 miles a day! I even completed 2 5ks during February, and one of them being my fastest time ever! I was super excited about that!!! I think overall I have done pretty well with eating clean! I noticed a huge difference in how my body felt and I lost some weight too! That's always a plus! I failed at my burpee goal. I didn't do them, and I sit here and think why, and honestly the only reason that comes to mind is that I didn't put my heart into it. They are super hard, but they work. So, I have no one to blame, but myself! I think I rocked my soda and juice challenge! I have not had any juice, and the only time I had soda was if I went out for a drink. I am super picky when it comes to drinking and really only like vodka mixed with soda. So, I will admit that I did have a few drinks this past month, but I did not have soda other than that, and that is huge for me! I really did try to give it my all this last month. I am seeing results and that is all I can ask for! My last goal was trying a new workout! Oh did I try a new workout! My cousin and I tried a hot yoga class! I will share the details with you all soon!

So, tell me about your last month! Was it successful? Did you conquer some of your challenges? What were some of your biggest inspirations last month? I would love to hear from you!

It may already be into March, but it's not too late to set goals. Like I said my life's been busy lately, but I am learning how I can better manage my time. I still have goals for this month, and I will be sharing them with you all soon!

So glad to be back!

 

XOXO