I know that I have been MIA lately, and I feel terrible about it! The truth is, I've been in a rut and feeling really crappy about myself! I was on track and doing so well! What the heck happened?!?! Change! I hate change! I know that some things we can't control it and we have to roll with it, but some times that's easier said then done!
I had a falling out with one of my best friends! We are good now and have worked everything out. But when you hear someone say to you, "I don't want to be your friend anyone." It's like a knife stabs you. I cried for a few days, and didn't want to get out of bed. The same day I bought my new car, yes a brand new car all on my own, exciting right?! Well the one person I wanted to come with me to pick up, wouldn't talk to me or see me. So I came home from picking it up and sat on my floor and cried hysterically for a long time. Eventually that same night I saw my best friend and we worked everything out! But I was still upset by a lot of things!
I got dumped! It sucks, even when you know it's coming, still hearing someone say, we should go our separate ways hurts! Waking up to a text at 8am is not the way to start a great weekend. Someone has decided that you are on longer worth their time and energy and let's face it, that just sucks! The one person you would talk to and look forward to hearing from is gone. They are moving on with their life and you aren't a part of that. Oh well, life happens and you move on. But it left me feeling shitty and worthless. At times I feel I will never be good enough for anyone, and we all feel that way a some point or another, and it's not true. We are good enough, and for whatever reason things didn't work out. I am not going to sit around and harp on it. It is what it is.
I've been sick.....3 times in six weeks, with a fever, cough, and sore throat. It sucks! I've been miserable, visiting doctors and on meds. When I tried to run, I couldn't stop coughing and would almost pass out. I just wanted to cry. I forgot what it felt like to be healthy.
I am not making excuses at all....I am owning up to the fact that I have let all of these things get the better of me and bring me down. But I know that I am better than all of these things. I have a clear head and I am ready to tackle my goals head on. It's not going to be easy, I am going to have days where I am down and feel worthless, but I am not! I am worth it!!! I am worth pushing through all the bullshit life throws at me and rise above it. I am have fallen short these past few weeks. But I am back, and I am going to kick butt!!!
XOXO
